I can't help finding many of Travelpage's 'Readers Reviews' hilarious! Now I was raised not to laugh at other peoples misfortunes. However, it is not so much the passengers misfortunes that makes me laugh, but the language they use to describe them.
Below are real quotes from the Readers Reviews. I'd be surprised if you can read the quotes without laughing too:
Who Goes:
We met all kinds of people from the boorish never satisfied philistine to the happy go lucky take us as you find us types who make socialising a pleasure.
Most of them are very friendly except the very old people who are too busy keeping themselves going.
As for my fellow passengers, they all knew what fork to use and didn't spit in public!
We also had 600 French on board. Life was "interesting" - for instance there was their insistence on announcements in their own language when the shushed anyone near them, but talked away animatedly when other languages were being used, etc etc.
Most fellow passengers were unapproachable, and not friendly. Would not have invited them to dinner.
We didn't run into anybody that wasn't in a good mood.
I would invite some people for dinner - not all because we didn't meet every one.
The Entertainment
The cruise director Mr "Smug" from Manitoba was a little egomaniac. The best thing the company can do to persuade me to ever sail with them again is to confirm that he has been sent back to Canada - and the Internet cafe manager to Argentina.
I would not have stopped lingering over my coffee to rush for a seat for the entertainment, however it was adequate for the price.
Napkin folding, shuffleboard, bridge classes, definitely not for the active under 70's.
Judging on the audience reaction, all jokes were funny.
Apart from two entertainers the entertainment was very poor, would have got better at Butlins, quizzes suitable for a nine year old.
Prizes for the games were terrible - a pencil given for a champion at the bowls!
We found some of the shows to be a cross between puerile and embarrassing, us Brits tend to want to be entertained, not become part of the show!
Food:
Food! I mean, WOW it was amazing.
Food poisoning was free and what service?
Our waiter was the best! We had a table full of 7 girls constantly asking what was good and changing our minds and he put up with it very well!
The portions of the dinners were a joke, instead of gaining weight, I think I lost some.
Cabins
The Cabins were rivalling with the best hotel rooms on land.
Cabins: Dirty, smelly, rusty
The walls were a little hollow but we had radios to drown out noise if needed.
We had a bad surprise when on return from an excursion did not find water in the taps.
the toilet paper was of a poor quality.
The balcony had a dead pigeon on it when I first arrived and was filthy. The view was of a horribly mildewed lifeboat. I awoke each morning to the thunder of joggers on the deck above.
Our cabin was small but fitting four girls (along with EVERYTHING from home) was still comfortable.
We had booked an outside cabin on deck 2. Upon check in we were notified of an up-grade. We were escorted to deck 9 and a cabin with balcony. This may be our last cruise as my wife is now spoiled and will probably not accept less in the future.
If you drop soap in shower forget it, no room to bend down and pick it up..
Our cabin was a joke. The shower was the size of a shoe box. I had to sleep on a bunkbed, and constantly hit my head on the ceiling.
General
Aimed at the older client, who doesn't know the difference between 1 star and 5 star.
And not only was the ship in horrible repair, it smelled bad.
FORGET THE POOLS. They are filled with every disgusting item you can imagine.
The ships decor was very garish in places, maybe Ronald McDonald had been the interior design consultant?
If you like waiting on lines and being herded around like cattle, then this is the cruise line to go on.
Arriving at 12.30pm, our tickets had said 3pm.we found that porters were at lunch until 1pm, but what crappy welcome. Cunard - GET SOME STAFF AT THE KERB FROM 11 AM to greet your guests and direct them !!!!!
(I wonder why the tickets said 3.00pm? Any ideas? - Malcolm)
We did swap addresses with one other passenger. It was more then a year later before I got a reply and there has been no more contact all since then.
There were no warning stickers plastered all over the shower stall warning me that the hot water might be too hot or to hold on when I get in and out of the shower. This was clearly 1) a ship that gave it's passengers credit for being adults who should be able to take care of themselves and 2) a company that has not had to deal with litigious Americans.
I noticed the staff were aesthetically pleasing to the eye, if you know what I mean. Especially the captain!
And on the last day ,check out, every one seemed less polite than was the norm.
Quick, somebody get on the telephone and call Miami. Tell Mickey Arison to forget that Queen Mary Project...it's already been done...and it's called the m.s.Deutschland.