"Do the crew sleep on board?"

"How do we know which photographs are ours?"

Is there water at the other side of that island?

Cheers
M.

Keep them coming...

What time is the midnight buffet....that's a classic!

Who is steering the ship when the Captain is at the Captain's cocktail party?

I don't want to be in a cabin that is underwater.

A woman checked into her Ocean View Stateroom before the ship left port, looked out her window and saw the dock and the pier...she then promptly went to the purser's desk to complain that she requested an ocean view stateroom and recieved a room that looked out at a pier. The perplexed Purser suggested that she wait until the ship sailed and then look out her window.

Or these:

"Can I get an inside cabin WITH a balcony?"

A lady rang the Purser's office to say that she couldn't get out of her cabin. The girl on the front desk asked what the problem was.

"Are you locked in, is the door jammed ?"

"No. I can't find the door out"

"I'm sorry madam, You are in cabin 2235. Can you see the mirror above the desk ?"

"Yes"

"Look to the left, you will see the bathroom door ?"

"Yes"

"Then beyond that is the door out to the alleyway."

"Oh No,I can't go through that door - It has a 'Do not disturb' sign on the door handle..."

Cruise passenger transiting through London for Dover embarkation.
"Winsor Castle is nice Yes, but why did they build it so near the airport?"

Terry Donegan

"What are the ice sculptures actually made of?"

"Why is the ship moving so slow and the sea so fast?"

(I've no idea what the last one means?)

===start===

Dumb Passengers at sea.

1) We had one an elderly lady doing the round trip London -Japan- London
who learned that we were to cross the equator ,to some port Enroute to
discharge cargo. So enthralled at this she asked the captain at breakfast
if she could be informed because she wanted to see the "line".

Well a couple of hours later she was called to the bridge and asked
to look through the binoculars which had been set up on the ships rail in
what was described as the steadiest part of the ship. For five minutes she bent over, peering through the glasses and profusely thanked the Old Man. As soon as she left the bridge he took out his handkerchief and cleaned off one of his jet black hairs that he had stuck across the lens.

2) Another trip another ship.

We were transporting a very bossy young Lawyer’s assistant to Singapore
who had obviously heard from friends that some times passengers were allowed
to steer ships at sea. So after we entered the Med and things got a bit
smoother and she by this time was feeling a lot better; she got up the
nerve to ask the Captain. The conversation went something like this '
Her: request to steer.
" Well Madam on this ship I am only the Captain ! You will have to talk to the Social Director, Mr Mac Farlane for an appointment." ( This on a ship that could only carry 12 passengers ).

Which she duly did, and she was lead down to the main deck and introduced to our Mr. McTaggart the chief cook. who handed her a spurtle and pointed to the huge black pot on the galley stove.
"There ye go lassie ye can steer all you want. " Obviously these three had done this before .
( spurtle a large wooden spoon for porridge ; to steer = to stir).

3) Another trip another MUCH older ship.( this one from my Uncle )

Engine room 4 Scotch boilers, four fires each, coal fired. big recip engine. Hot as Hell.
Custom used to be that passengers visiting engine rooms were a bit frowned
upon because they eventually took up a position under the vent. Custom also
was that if they stood there long enough for a fireman to draw a chalk line
around them ; they were then expected to put up a round of beers for the
Black Gang.

Well it finally happened that two rather portly women came and did just
that. and the line was drawn. When the Third engineer conducting the tour explained the custom and dropped hints; No promise of beer was forthcoming , But one did comment to the nearest fireman that indeed it was hot in the stoke hold. His reply " It's no seh bad oot here , but wee Jimmy's got the worst job on this ship " Where upon he opened a fire door and threw in an old shovel and yelled into the back of the furnace.
'Rake it up a bit Jimmy were loosing steam "

===end===

"Where abouts is this little island Venezuela anyway?"

I like the story of one of the Captains on board one of the Queens as they came up the English Channel towards Southampton. A passenger asked him what the land on the starboard side was called.
He replied:

"That's France Madam, part of the continent"

"Well whats that on the port side ?"

Greek Island Cruise:

"Why did the Greeks build so many ruins?"

One more: